Hustle Rant

Hustle Rant looks at your stars for a special, year round valid horoscope. If you did not believe before that your fate is inextricably linked to the stars, now you will.

Aquarius - January 20 to February 18.

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand you tend to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes again and again. People think you are stupid.

Pisces - February 19 to March 20.

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by MI5 of the Special Branch. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.

Aries - March 21 to April 19.

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of people. You are not very nice.

Taurus - April 20 to May 20.

You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like a bull. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. You are a communist.

Gemini - May 21 to June 20.

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you. However, you are inclined to expect too much from too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for commiting incest.

Cancer - June 21 to July 22.

You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything out of yourself. Most people on the dole are Cancer.

Leo - July 23 to August 22.

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogence is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.

Virgo - August 23 to September 22.

You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit picking is sickening your freinds. You are cold, unemotional and sometimes fall asleep when you are making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.

Libra - September 23 to October 22.

You are the artistic type and have difficulty with reality. Chances of monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are prostitutes. All Libra people die of veneral disease.

Scorpio - October 23 to November 21.

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will acheive the pinnacle of succss because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.

Saggitarius - November 22 to December 21.

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendancy to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Saggitarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People laugh at you a great deal.

Capricorn - December 23 to January 19.

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of much importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still too long as they take root and turn into trees.